The clouds are out today
It’s gray out
The rain drenches the sidewalk and the street and soaks the grass
The plants in the garden out back float up, untethered
I’m angry about it
Infuriated
I beat my fist and scream and work myself into a frenzy
The things around me break and shatter and crumble into dust
And all I can think about is the rain
The rain, the rain, the rain!
Why can’t there be some sun? Some sliver of clear weather?
I would trade my life, would kill, would steal, would do anything for even a single sunbeam!
I bow my head and body in shame, as an alcoholic does, abandoning my refuges and morals and anything else valuable in the process
And then, weary, I stumble to my car
I was to drive out to the desert, to see the stars
But I can’t do that because of the clouds!
The rain beats against my windshield and my car roof
There’s nobody on the road, it’s far too late at night
But still I swerve and curse and honk my horn as if all around me were vehicles
It was a wonder I didn’t crash my car and kill myself in the process
At some point along the road I saw my headlights shimmering in the puddles
Gemstones on glass on marble
Before I knew it I was in the desert
I didn’t want to get out of my car
I leaned over the steering wheel and cried
Begged for anything different
But the rain didn’t stop for me
Eventually I resigned myself to my fate and got out of my car
The coarse dirt underneath my boots was muck in the rainwater
I jolted as the first drops of rain hit my hands and my face and my ears and my hair
The sensation was cool
Electrifying
For a moment all my feelings and perceptions stopped
And I stood there
All my anger and my shame and my sadness unspooling around me
As gallons of rain dumped onto my head and soaked into my boots and ruined my clothes
Slowly, then, I turned my head up to the sky above
As the rains ceased
And the clouds parted
Revealing kaleidoscopic, glittering displays of stars
The sun falls upon my skin
I smile to the sun
And offer it inwards
The rain falls upon my hair
I smile to the rain
And offer it outwards
The wind falls upon my face
I smile to the wind
And offer the understanding that there is nothing more to do
This is the essence